Some folks collect stamps. Others knit. But real Americans? We collect principles, and this got five of ‘em you don’t screw with. Try messing with one and you’ll meet the other four. It’s soft enough to nap in, but loud enough to trigger your liberal neighbor from three blocks away. Why you need this: Screams “I love my country” without saying a damn word. Makes you 72% more likely to get a head nod from a fellow patriot. Machine washable. Constitution approved.
